Saturday, December 26, 2009

Happy Christmas!!

Well, it's a little bit late, but I just wanna say:


Merry Christmas!!

Wish you all have a great Christmas and great years ahead!!

*Christmas tree is borrowed from HERE

Monday, November 23, 2009

Aku Ada.....

Meskipun berat, aku akan tetap bertahan, berdiri tegak untuk menopang bebanmu. Duduk diam mendengar keluh kesahmu.

Jangan simpan derita itu menggerogoti jiwamu dan tubuhmu. Jangan berhenti berharap dan berjuang. Karena hidup perlu harapan dan perjuangan.

Jangan pernah kaumerasa duniamu runtuh dan hidupmu berakhir. Karena dunia belum runtuh sampai ia benar2 runtuh. Dan hidupmu belum berakhir sampai ia benar2 berakhir.

Tolong, ingatlah itu. Ingatlah aku saat deritamu datang. Karena aku ada untukmu. Karena aku butuh kamu. Karena aku sayang kamu!

::dedicated to all beings::

Weeping Willow


Weeping willow with your tears running down,
why do you always weep and frown?
Is it because he left you one day?
is it because he could not stay?

On your branches he would swing,
do you long for the happiness that day would bring?
He found shelter in your shade.
You thought his laughter would never fade.

Weeping willow, stop your tears.
There is something to calm you fears.
You think death has ripped you forever apart.
But I know he'll always be in your heart.

-from My Girl movie (1991)-
picture is borrowed from here.

Bertahan atau beranjak pergi?

...Staying in an unhappy marriage that i have outgrown,
A marriage full of ultimatums and numbness and resentment;
That is not the kind of life i want to model for my child.
That is not what i want him to believe married love is...

[MB, GA-S06E10]

About Giving...

Everyday, we get to give the gift of life.
It can be painful, it can be terrifying;
but in the end, it's worth it.
Every time.

Maybe the gift is to try and make a simple apology.
Maybe it's to understand another person's point of view.
Maybe it's to hold a secret for a friend.

The joy, supposedly, is in the giving.
So when the joy is gone...
When the giving starts to feel more like a burden...
that's when you stop.

But if you're like most people I know...
You give till it hurts...
and then you give some more.

[Quoted from GA S06E10]

Monday, November 16, 2009

To Do in 2010




Well, just hoping they'll stop by in Jakarta to have a concert here...
I will, and I must go for it!!
*with crossing fingers*

Saturday, October 24, 2009

To Live Life to the Fullest

Pernahkah kita menyadari, bahwa sehari-harinya kita selalu berlari?

Ya, berlari. Bukan lagi berjalan, melainkan berlari.

Pagi hari, setelah membuka mata langsung meloncat tergesa-gesa berangkat ke kantor. Sampai di kantor, langsung menyalakan komputer dan memulai rutinitas pekerjaan. Mengerjakan ini dan itu dalam waktu lebih dari 8 jam di kantor. Mulai dari jam 8.30 sampai dengan jam 18.00 setiap harinya. (yah, office hour di kantor saya sebenarnya jam 8.15-16.45, yang belum pernah saya tepati sebelumnya. Datang tentu saja pernah tepat waktu--meskipun jarang, tapi untuk pulang hampir tidak pernah tepat waktu. Tidak apa..)

Selesai jam kantor, berjalan kembali ke kos, atau ke mall, makan malam dan bertemu teman atau kakak, kembali ke kos, mandi, membuka Facebook dan mengupdate berita dari internet, menelepon pacar atau membaca buku sejenak, kemudian tidur.

Begitu saja rutinitas yang saya jalani selama ini.

Terkadang saya memikirkan, apa saja yang sudah saya lakukan sejak lulus kuliah? Menghitung waktu yang terlewati, ternyata sudah 2 tahun. Dan saya merasa belum berbuat apa-apa. Hanya melalui hari-hari begitu saja. Hanya 'pasrah' menjalani rutinitas tanpa memberi warna pada setiap tindakan yang saya lakukan.

Beberapa waktu lalu, saya baru mengikuti sebuah retret di daerah Bogor sebagai hadiah ulangtahun untuk diri saya sendiri. At that time, I did feel that I need a little escape from all my routines.

Dalam retret yang dilakukan a la komunitas Plum Village ini, kami tidak dihadapkan pada ceramah-ceramah--untunglah..--, melainkan dipandu untuk berlatih hidup berkesadaran. Para biksu yang hadir di sana bukanlah penceramah, melainkan berperan sebagai fasilitator. Para pesertalah yang diminta untuk menggali sendiri dari pengalaman hidup masing-masing, dan mempraktikkannya selama retret tersebut.

Mungkin istilah 'hidup berkesadaran' terdengar mengerikan, berat, terlalu jauh dari kehidupan sehari-hari, dan mengawang-awang. Tapi sebenarnya tidak demikian.

Kita diajari bagaimana menyadari setiap tindakan yang kita lakukan. Yang menjadi perhatian utama dalam latihan ini adalah napas. Ya, napas. Selama ini, kita jarang sekali menyadari bahwa kita bernapas. Dengan memperhatikan napas kita, kita bisa meredakan 'gejolak' pikiran kita dan mengumpulkan kembali konsentrasi.

Demikian pula dalam berbagai kegiatan yang dilakukan selama retret ini, para peserta diajak untuk melakukannya dengan penuh kesadaran. Mulai dari napas, gerakan berjalan, makan, mencuci piring, semua kegiatan harus dilakukan dengan kesadaran penuh.

Melakukan semua hal dengan penuh kesadaran akan memberikan warna bagi hidup kita. Saat itu, saya menekan tombol 'PAUSE' sejenak, memaknai dan mengevaluasi apa yang telah saya lakukan selama ini.

Ternyata saya belum melakukan banyak. Saya masih harus berusaha untuk memberikan warna dalam hidup saya, agar bisa menjalani hidup seutuhnya.
Yes, to live my life to the fullest.


Gambar dipinjam dari sini.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Perkembangan Bahasa Indonesia Modern

Ya ampun.... saya tiba-tiba merasa sangat 'tua' pas membaca email dari salah satu milis (mailing list) yang saya ikuti. Aturan terbaru dari manakah yang menyingkat suku kata '-nya' menjadi '-x' ?? Bukan cuma akhiran '-nya' lho, tapi kata 'tanya' & 'punya' ikutan menjadi 'tax' & 'pux'

Ini contoh kutipannya.

Sebaikx tentukan dulu pengenx kemana?Lombok emang pantaix bagus,tp juga ada air terjun dan wisata pegunungan lain,tp aku anggap aja wisata pantai ya?soalx pengantin baru kan harus pux sisa tenaga untk malam hari hehe...untk hotel biayax sktr 500 rb per-malam,kecuali di pulau/gili yang angkax jutaan,hotelx reservasi di wilayah senggigi aja biar dekat main ke pantaix.Untk tempat makan,banyak banget tp yang harus dicoba tuh bebalung kelebet,ayam taliwang,pelecing kangkung dll biasax udah paket sktr 60 rb,dan okex lg,lesehanx tersebar di seluruh kota,g susah nyarix.klu ada yg mw ditax lg,bs japri atau lewat CC sama aja,aku usahakan bantuin kok
(dikutip tanpa izin dari satu milis :))

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Felicity [2]

previously on here

That night, I got a phone call from my friend's daughter. She was trembled and panicking. She barely said a word.

She only said, "Auntie... auntie... It's mommy..."

"Holy, what's going on?" I shouted at her, feeling that it must be a very serious situation could make Holy, a very talkative teenage girl, couldn't say a complete sentence.

"Take a deep breath, and tell me what happened," I ordered her, panicking too.

I heard her took a deep breath.

"Auntie," she began to calm down than before, "It's mommy, she got an accident. Can you please come to the hospital?"
"How is she? Where is your daddy?"
"I think she's not OK. I saw lots of blood. Daddy's out of town."
"Okay, I'm going there right now. Text me when you got any updates," I hung up the phone, got dressed, and flying to the hospital. At least, it was how I think I was getting to the hospital. I couldn't remember my self driving. I just thought about Sandy. I was so worried that I couldn't think about how I got there.

When I finally arrived in the hospital, I can barely find Holy in the emergency room. She sat in the corner, crying in silence. I hold her in my arms.
"Holy, where's your mom?"
"They took her inside. They haven't given me any updates. I don't know how she is."
"How long has she been in there?"
"About an hour, maybe, I don't know. She's already inside when I got here."
"Auntie?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm scared... What if she couldn't make it?"
"Holy, honey, let's just pray the best for her. Um, where's your little brother anyway?"
"I told him to stay at home. I came here by taxi."
"Oh, OK. Holy, I'll go there and ask someone to get some updates on your mom's condition. You stay here, OK?"
"OK, Auntie."
"OK"
"Auntie?"
"Yes?"
"Don't be too long, OK?"
"OK"

[continue to part 3]

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

If I were Chinese Food....



You Are General Tso's Chicken



You have a flair for the dramatic, and you like to sample all of the world's flavors.

You like to bring on the heat, both in life and at the dinner table. There's not a dish too spicy for you.



While you tend to go for the more daring choices on the menu of life, you're the type of person who tries everything.

You know there's no way you can predict what you'll like or dislike, so you just dive in and give it all a go.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Diam... Lalu melangkah...

satu 
satu
kakiku melangkah
limbung, bimbang


bingung di percabangan hati
takut untuk memilih
takut salah pilih
takut salah langkah, 
juga berdiam di tempat

Dalam keseharian, kita selalu dihadapkan pada berbagai macam pilihan. mulai dari kegiatan yang akan kita lakukan hari ini, pakaian yang akan dikenakan, rute yang akan dilalui, sampai bagaimana kita bereaksi terhadap setiap kejadian yang terjadi dalam hidup kita. kita bisa memilih satu dari sejuta pilihan yang ada. 

Dan kali ini, aku membuat salah satu keputusan yang besar dalam hidupku. aku akan melangkah maju. 
Di ujung hari itu, aku memilih untuk keluar dari rutinitas yang kujalani satu setengah tahun terakhir ini. bukan karena aku takut kehilangan kesempatan, tapi aku takut terjebak diam di tempat, takut kehilangan nyali menghadapi dunia.


Bukan karena aku bosan dengan keseharianku satu setengah tahun terakhir ini. bukan pula aku tidak lagi betah di tempatku yang sekarang, aku masih betah. bahkan aku masih punya keinginan untuk kembali, suatu saat nanti, jika memang masih berjodoh. 


Bukan aku punya masalah dengan teman-teman di sekelilingku. kami baik-baik saja. aku menyayangi mereka dan merasa nyaman bersama mereka. 


Bukan pula aku tidak menyukai apa yang kukerjakan. aku selalu berusaha menyukai apapun yang kukerjakan. setiap detil. 


Cuma satu alasanku kembali mengayunkan langkah: aku takut, takut berkarat, ditumbuhi lumut, dan mati perlahan di sudut itu tanpa pernah berkembang. aku ingin mencari padang baru untukku melangkahkan kaki-kakiku, mata air baru untuk kureguk, udara baru untuk kuhirup, dan langit baru untukku mengepakkan sayapku. 


Bagiku, dalam setiap keputusan, tidak ada benar atau salah. keputusan apapun yang kita ambil, bisa saja membawa dampak buruk. tapi keputusan yang membawa dampak buruk, belum tentu keputusan yang salah. yang terpenting adalah bagaimana kita memberikan warna pada setiap detil dalam hidup kita. 


Kurasa, apapun keputusannya, yang penting ORANGnya. 

Monday, September 28, 2009

sebuah penyemangat...

its not just an ordinary new challenge...
kamu disana akan memulai sesuai yang ga akan kamu mulai di tempat sekarang..
kamu one step ahead..
jadi ga cuma sekedar new challenge...

aku tau kamu pasti takut banget nyesel...
aku jg takut kamu jadi nyesel..
tapi kalo ga sekarang kapan lagi mi..

kalo posisinya kita tuker... kamu pasti akan menyarankan hal yang sama ke aku...
kalo sekarang blum siap.. nanti disaat kamu siap kesempatan itu ga akan pernah datang...



==makasih ya, rucus...==

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Are you satisfied with what you have now?

Today, an old friend of mine asked a question: "It seems like you got a great job, huh?"
Well, not exactly a question, actually. But from that sentence, I started to think about my job.
About my life, my boyfriend, my family, about all things I have now in my life.

Am I satisfied with my life?

Up to now, I never consider my life as perfect, neither so gross.
I have more than enough to stay alive and not to worry about tomorrow.
I have the job that gives me enough money to pay my bills, a house to stay, a family who loves me, a sister who's always there through my worst days, a boyfriend to cheer up my days, great friends to color up my life.
What else? All is good. All is fine and sound. I should have rejoiced for all I have in my life.

Yes, there are dissatisfactions, I can't deny it.
But, not having a thing or two doesn't make me feel that bad. I just need to refocus my mind on good things I already have now--not on things I don't have--and how to utilize them to do something good.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Making Decision


I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had been like if I'd just been myself.” ~ Brittany Renée




I think this is the most drastic decision I made this year. 
It only took about 2 days to open my heart to the opportunity, another 2 days to get the call, an hour to discuss about it, a week to get another call, and today I made the big decision for my future. 


Wish I could do all my best to make this a correct decision for my life.


Just wish me all the strength to make things right...

Saturday, September 5, 2009

The Last Day on Earth

Kate Miller-Heidke

Look down - the ground below is crumbling
Look up - the stars are all exploding

It's the last day on earth
In my dreams
It's the end of the world
And you've come back to me
In my dreams

Between the dust and debris
There's a light surrounding you and me

It's the last day on earth
In my dreams
It's the end of the world
And you've come back to me
In my dreams

And you hold me closer than I can ever remember being held
I'm not afraid to sleep now, if we can stay like this until

It's the last day on earth
In my dreams
It's the end of the world
And you've come back to me
In my dreams

In my head I repeat our conversations
Over and over til they feel like hallucinations
You know me - I love to lose my mind
And every time andybody speaks your name I still feel the same
I ache, I ache, I ache inside

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Felicity [1]

Felicity. That's my name. If you have some spare time to check on the dictionary, then you can find that ‘felicity' means perfect happiness. But until now, I barely found a perfect happiness.

Six months ago, my fiancé left me for another woman who's now having his baby. Maybe they'll live happily ever after. Maybe they won't. I don't know. And I don't even bother to know.

Now, I can still feel the bitterness. I set up my mind to forget that bitterness, though I know I might never be able to forgive. And I'm getting tougher from day to day, knowing that this miserable feeling is because I'm still in love with that man. I can't say that 3 year as a short togetherness as we had so many both good and bad things together. It feels like we had known each other for ever. There's no single thing about him that I didn't know. Except the fact that he had had sex with another woman.

***

Another Sad Story

I read another tragic story in the education world: a student stabbed his professor and committed suicide. The police suspected this happened because of the rumor of scholarship termination by the faculty. The student was expected to graduate this year. (Summarized from what I read in detiknews.com)

Berita ini sangat menyedihkan bagi saya. Sayang sekali mahasiswa tersebut tidak memikirkan alternative lain dalam menanggapi rumor-yang belum tentu benar-ini. Saya tidak menggampangkan masalah uang, tapi tentu ada solusi lain untuk bisa menyelesaikan masalah keuangan tanpa harus berakhir seperti ini.

Apakah ini menunjukkan bahwa orang-orang pada zaman sekarang lebih mudah frustrasi dan hilang akal? Hhmm... it's not my area to comment about this, but most of all, I am feeling a great condolence for the student, for the professor, and for the education world. Wish this won't happen again ever in the future.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Patrick, Patrik & Patrick

I'm always interested in the name "Patrick". I don't know why. The first Patrick I like is Patrick Rafter, the famous tennis player in his era, with his so-called thunder ace  (??). Well, despite his long and never ending injuries (which--in the end--ended his career), actually what made me liked him is his pictures in magazines and newspapers as the model for Rayban.

From this God of Tennis' (as I read in one of fanpage after google-ing) name, I give the name Patrik to my lovely and adorable laptop (don't ask me about his specs, I can tell you that, though he might be a so-out-of-date laptop but he's been with me through all the good & bad times. So yeah, you don't get to ask me that).

Patrik will be 2 years old in April. I bought him with my own money after having the oh-so-unforgetable internship to complete my college. He was sick severely back in 2008.  In one of my chit-chat with my sister, she asked why I named him Patrik and which Patrik is he named after. Confidently, I answered the question #2 without even bothering to answer the first one: Patrick Rafter. Then you know what??? She LAUGHED. "Pantesan ajah sering sakit-sakitan. Patrik Rafter kan cedera mulu."

Huh... So what? The thing is, he's handsome.. ahahhahahaha...

Now, the third Patrick in my life, Patrick Dempsey. Yes, THAT Patrick. No explanation for this Patrick. ^^

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Backstreet Boys era [once upon a time..]

I never thought that I would sing this song again ever, since the era has passed...
But last night, reading a comment in a friend's wall in Facebook, which contains Backstreet Boys' lyrics, suddenly in the morning in sang this song..



"I Want It That Way"


Yeah

You are my fire
The one desire
Believe when I say
I want it that way

But we are two worlds apart
Can't reach to your heart
When you say
That I want it that way

[Chorus:]
Tell me why
Ain't nothin' but a heartache
Tell me why
Ain't nothin' but a mistake
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way

Am I your fire
Your one desire
Yes I know it's too late
But I want it that way

[Chorus]

Now I can see that we're falling apart
From the way that it used to be, yeah
No matter the distance
I want you to know
That deep down inside of me...

You are my fire
The one desire
You are
You are, you are, you are

Don't wanna hear you say
Ain't nothin' but a heartache
Ain't nothin' but a mistake
(Don't wanna hear you say)
I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way

Tell me why
Ain't nothin' but a heartache
Tell me why
Ain't nothin but a mistake
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say
(Don't wanna hear you say it)
I want it that way
I want it that way


[ www.azlyrics.com ]

Getting touched by technology again...

Hehehe... it's been quite a long time I haven't got in touch with the internet.. Huaaa, kasian yah.. ;p
and now, I just realized that one day in the past I made this blog page..

Poor blog... I just remember that I have another blog in yahoo! 360, since I've been using that space to write since I was in college. Fiuuhh..

So, in other words, it means that I haven't write anything for around... a year? woww...

OK2, I'll start writing then...

but, I'm thinking of moving my 360 entries to this blog. anybody knows how? hmmphhh...