Diam... Lalu melangkah...

satu 
satu
kakiku melangkah
limbung, bimbang


bingung di percabangan hati
takut untuk memilih
takut salah pilih
takut salah langkah, 
juga berdiam di tempat

Dalam keseharian, kita selalu dihadapkan pada berbagai macam pilihan. mulai dari kegiatan yang akan kita lakukan hari ini, pakaian yang akan dikenakan, rute yang akan dilalui, sampai bagaimana kita bereaksi terhadap setiap kejadian yang terjadi dalam hidup kita. kita bisa memilih satu dari sejuta pilihan yang ada. 

Dan kali ini, aku membuat salah satu keputusan yang besar dalam hidupku. aku akan melangkah maju. 
Di ujung hari itu, aku memilih untuk keluar dari rutinitas yang kujalani satu setengah tahun terakhir ini. bukan karena aku takut kehilangan kesempatan, tapi aku takut terjebak diam di tempat, takut kehilangan nyali menghadapi dunia.


Bukan karena aku bosan dengan keseharianku satu setengah tahun terakhir ini. bukan pula aku tidak lagi betah di tempatku yang sekarang, aku masih betah. bahkan aku masih punya keinginan untuk kembali, suatu saat nanti, jika memang masih berjodoh. 


Bukan aku punya masalah dengan teman-teman di sekelilingku. kami baik-baik saja. aku menyayangi mereka dan merasa nyaman bersama mereka. 


Bukan pula aku tidak menyukai apa yang kukerjakan. aku selalu berusaha menyukai apapun yang kukerjakan. setiap detil. 


Cuma satu alasanku kembali mengayunkan langkah: aku takut, takut berkarat, ditumbuhi lumut, dan mati perlahan di sudut itu tanpa pernah berkembang. aku ingin mencari padang baru untukku melangkahkan kaki-kakiku, mata air baru untuk kureguk, udara baru untuk kuhirup, dan langit baru untukku mengepakkan sayapku. 


Bagiku, dalam setiap keputusan, tidak ada benar atau salah. keputusan apapun yang kita ambil, bisa saja membawa dampak buruk. tapi keputusan yang membawa dampak buruk, belum tentu keputusan yang salah. yang terpenting adalah bagaimana kita memberikan warna pada setiap detil dalam hidup kita. 


Kurasa, apapun keputusannya, yang penting ORANGnya. 

sebuah penyemangat...

its not just an ordinary new challenge...
kamu disana akan memulai sesuai yang ga akan kamu mulai di tempat sekarang..
kamu one step ahead..
jadi ga cuma sekedar new challenge...

aku tau kamu pasti takut banget nyesel...
aku jg takut kamu jadi nyesel..
tapi kalo ga sekarang kapan lagi mi..

kalo posisinya kita tuker... kamu pasti akan menyarankan hal yang sama ke aku...
kalo sekarang blum siap.. nanti disaat kamu siap kesempatan itu ga akan pernah datang...


==makasih ya, rucus...==

Are you satisfied with what you have now?

Today, an old friend of mine asked a question: "It seems like you got a great job, huh?"
Well, not exactly a question, actually. But from that sentence, I started to think about my job.
About my life, my boyfriend, my family, about all things I have now in my life.

Am I satisfied with my life?

Up to now, I never consider my life as perfect, neither so gross.
I have more than enough to stay alive and not to worry about tomorrow.
I have the job that gives me enough money to pay my bills, a house to stay, a family who loves me, a sister who's always there through my worst days, a boyfriend to cheer up my days, great friends to color up my life.
What else? All is good. All is fine and sound. I should have rejoiced for all I have in my life.

Yes, there are dissatisfactions, I can't deny it.
But, not having a thing or two doesn't make me feel that bad. I just need to refocus my mind on good things I already have now--not on things I don't have--and how to utilize them to do something good.

Making Decision

“I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had been like if I'd just been myself.” ~ Brittany Renée

I think this is the most drastic decision I made this year. 

It only took about 2 days to open my heart to the opportunity, another 2 days to get the call, an hour to discuss about it, a week to get another call, and today I made the big decision for my future. 

Wish I could do all my best to make this a correct decision for my life.

Just wish me all the strength to make things right...

The Last Day on Earth

Kate Miller-Heidke

Look down - the ground below is crumbling
Look up - the stars are all exploding

It's the last day on earth
In my dreams
It's the end of the world
And you've come back to me
In my dreams

Between the dust and debris
There's a light surrounding you and me

It's the last day on earth
In my dreams
It's the end of the world
And you've come back to me
In my dreams

And you hold me closer than I can ever remember being held
I'm not afraid to sleep now, if we can stay like this until

It's the last day on earth
In my dreams
It's the end of the world
And you've come back to me
In my dreams

In my head I repeat our conversations
Over and over til they feel like hallucinations
You know me - I love to lose my mind
And every time andybody speaks your name I still feel the same
I ache, I ache, I ache inside

Felicity [1]

Felicity. That's my name. If you have some spare time to check on the dictionary, then you can find that ‘felicity' means perfect happiness. But until now, I barely found a perfect happiness.

Six months ago, my fiancé left me for another woman who's now having his baby. Maybe they'll live happily ever after. Maybe they won't. I don't know. And I don't even bother to know.

Now, I can still feel the bitterness. I set up my mind to forget that bitterness, though I know I might never be able to forgive. And I'm getting tougher from day to day, knowing that this miserable feeling is because I'm still in love with that man. I can't say that 3 year as a short togetherness as we had so many both good and bad things together. It feels like we had known each other for ever. There's no single thing about him that I didn't know. Except the fact that he had had sex with another woman.

***

Another Sad Story

I read another tragic story in the education world: a student stabbed his professor and committed suicide. The police suspected this happened because of the rumor of scholarship termination by the faculty. The student was expected to graduate this year. (Summarized from what I read in detiknews.com)

Berita ini sangat menyedihkan bagi saya. Sayang sekali mahasiswa tersebut tidak memikirkan alternative lain dalam menanggapi rumor-yang belum tentu benar-ini. Saya tidak menggampangkan masalah uang, tapi tentu ada solusi lain untuk bisa menyelesaikan masalah keuangan tanpa harus berakhir seperti ini.

Apakah ini menunjukkan bahwa orang-orang pada zaman sekarang lebih mudah frustrasi dan hilang akal? Hhmm... it's not my area to comment about this, but most of all, I am feeling a great condolence for the student, for the professor, and for the education world. Wish this won't happen again ever in the future.

Patrick, Patrik & Patrick

I'm always interested in the name "Patrick". I don't know why. The first Patrick I like is Patrick Rafter, the famous tennis player in his era, with his so-called thunder ace  (??). Well, despite his long and never ending injuries (which--in the end--ended his career), actually what made me liked him is his pictures in magazines and newspapers as the model for Rayban.

From this God of Tennis' (as I read in one of fanpage after google-ing) name, I give the name Patrik to my lovely and adorable laptop (don't ask me about his specs, I can tell you that, though he might be a so-out-of-date laptop but he's been with me through all the good & bad times. So yeah, you don't get to ask me that).

Patrik will be 2 years old in April. I bought him with my own money after having the oh-so-unforgetable internship to complete my college. He was sick severely back in 2008.  In one of my chit-chat with my sister, she asked why I named him Patrik and which Patrik is he named after. Confidently, I answered the question #2 without even bothering to answer the first one: Patrick Rafter. Then you know what??? She LAUGHED. "Pantesan ajah sering sakit-sakitan. Patrik Rafter kan cedera mulu."

Huh... So what? The thing is, he's handsome.. ahahhahahaha...

Now, the third Patrick in my life, Patrick Dempsey. Yes, THAT Patrick. No explanation for this Patrick. ^^

Backstreet Boys era [once upon a time..]

I never thought that I would sing this song again ever, since the era has passed...
But last night, reading a comment in a friend's wall in Facebook, which contains Backstreet Boys' lyrics, suddenly in the morning in sang this song..



"I Want It That Way"

Yeah

You are my fire
The one desire
Believe when I say
I want it that way

But we are two worlds apart
Can't reach to your heart
When you say
That I want it that way

[Chorus:]
Tell me why
Ain't nothin' but a heartache
Tell me why
Ain't nothin' but a mistake
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way

Am I your fire
Your one desire
Yes I know it's too late
But I want it that way

[Chorus]

Now I can see that we're falling apart
From the way that it used to be, yeah
No matter the distance
I want you to know
That deep down inside of me...

You are my fire
The one desire
You are
You are, you are, you are

Don't wanna hear you say
Ain't nothin' but a heartache
Ain't nothin' but a mistake
(Don't wanna hear you say)
I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way

Tell me why
Ain't nothin' but a heartache
Tell me why
Ain't nothin but a mistake
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say
(Don't wanna hear you say it)
I want it that way
I want it that way


[ www.azlyrics.com ]

Getting touched by technology again...

Hehehe... it's been quite a long time I haven't got in touch with the internet.. Huaaa, kasian yah.. ;p
and now, I just realized that one day in the past I made this blog page..

Poor blog... I just remember that I have another blog in yahoo! 360, since I've been using that space to write since I was in college. Fiuuhh..

So, in other words, it means that I haven't write anything for around... a year? woww...

OK2, I'll start writing then...

but, I'm thinking of moving my 360 entries to this blog. anybody knows how? hmmphhh...